May I be angry today? May I be angry for the crappy months and year I am having? May I be angry at my life for this non-life I have? May I be angry at fate for this fate given to me? May I be angry at everyone who is happy because I envy such happiness? May I be … More May I be angry today?
I still can’t believe that I’ll be spending this Christmas without you. I have pushed this thought at the farthest and darkest corner of my mind for as long as I can, but as Christmas draws near, I find it harder and harder to postpone not thinking about it. In a few days, I will … More This Christmas
Two months. Two months since I have last seen you breathing. Two months since I last kissed your cheek. Two months since I last held your hand. Two months since I last hoped, since I last dreamt of a future with you. Two months since I last felt genuine joy and contentment. Two months since … More Two months
Today, I woke up with so much gratitude in my heart. I whispered thank you to the air hoping that my husband is listening, wherever he is at this time. Thank you for being the best friend one could ever have. Thank you for patiently waiting for me until I was ready to love again. … More Thank you
I have been trying to understand what is happening to me since I have been widowed. When my grandparents died, I have experienced grief, and it took a while to shake off the sadness that came with it. For my grandmother, it took me sometime to completely let go of the sadness and think of her only with love and … More Trying to make sense of it all
I recently bought a mass card for someone very special to me and to the husband. The poem at the back of the mass card so aptly describes how one feels about the passing of a loved one. Here it goes: This is quite true. I have not thought of anything else since my husband died; every thought has been connected to … More In our hearts forever
I had the Saturday morning “curse” again. I woke up around the time my husband passed on and cannot go back to sleep. Unwelcome images inside the ICU began to enter my mind. On impulse, I got up, wore my jogging shoes and walked all the way to the columbarium, which is around 5 kilometers or more … More This Saturday morning
I woke up today missing you so much that I did the one thing I swore not to do for a while -I read the cards and letters we gave each other in the past. I wanted so much to remember how my life was when you were still here. I’m so afraid I ‘ll forget. The last card you gave was … More September 5, 2016
Today, I purposely walked below the balcony of our tiny home and looked up. Part of my mentally deranged mind probably hoped to see you at the balcony waiting for me. Do you remember the countless times I stood there waiving at you as you walked away towards the parking area? When you were still an employee of … More Did you say goodbye?
I have been waking up on Saturdays around the same time my husband died that fateful Saturday morning. It is the first thing that enters my mind upon waking up. It is the only thing that occupies my mind any time of the day, every second of my waking hours. The loss and emptiness hits me … More Of Saturday mornings and burnt pancakes